Gary here, on what may be my last day in the field. I’m in deep trouble—worse than the time I mistook a Sears mannequin for a cashier and accidentally shoplifted a pack of briefs. It appears as though the Obedient team has a new website. Like brand fricken new. I know for sure that the guy who hired me to gather intel on them did NOT expect this turn of events. Good thing I brought my Tums because this is going to get intense.

Using my binocs, I’ve only been able to see a few things that are gonna really grind his gears: The design and colors are definitely inappropriate for a boring marketing firm. The copy seems to not follow the standard format at all—I see an Outback Steakhouse slogan, a banana phone, a Mean Girls quote, a reference to life on other planets, and at least 3 curse words. Worst of all, it looks like they’re announcing that they’re full-service now. Crap.

My client was already peeved that Obedient breaks the marketing rules with funny messaging campaigns, but design now too? He’s gonna blow his lid when he hears this. He may even fire me and call the whole mission off.

Perhaps my dreams of being a private eye only lasted a day. If this is true, I’ll cherish these memories forever. I’m just gonna rip the band-aid and dispatch it over to him now.

Here’s hoping it goes better than the time I text the guy who landscapes my yard, “DTF?” thinking it meant “Day to Fertilize?”

Signing off from the field, with a sharp eye and a pure heart, Gary